Last week was a horrible one. I am finally ready to write about it. I felt my heart break into pieces and I was so angry. Just so unhappy with things around me. I didn't want to eat, didn't want to sleep. Worst of all, I was finding it difficult to pray.
I wanted to fight fire with fire. I wasn't ready to surrender it to God. I felt God tugging at me, but I didn't want to be moved because I had a game plan.
A friend of mine suggested I come with her to a worship session. She offered to let me stay at her place for the night. And this sounded like a good break for me - a girls night. I wasn't much kicked about the worship, thought it would just be a regular prayer meeting.
But God didn't stop tugging. I went into worship with little expectations, I came out afresh with a new spirit. He brought me to a place of unrest, broke down my walls and made me just block the world out, block my problems out and revel in His love. The voice kept saying - I'll heal your heart first. Pick up those broken pieces. The tears didn't stop and the worship got louder and the faces fell down to the floor. It was like nothing I had ever felt before, He just wanted to get into my heart and mend those broken pieces.
I wasn't angry anymore. My fight fire with fire game plan made me laugh at the stupidity it was planned with.
Through it all God sent me angels in the form of friends who kept me going. I've never named people on my blog before, but this time I want to thank God for placing Susanna, Steve, Leesel and Sneha in my life. They held me up like pillars.
And I'm reminded that our God doesn't sign agreements or contracts, He is a covenant making and a convening keeping God. He has the power to grant all the desires of your heart and heal it too. You just have to Surrender!
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